Issues

Once again checking in.

I've been suspended again. Ten days, and on January 11th, there will be a school board meeting which decides whether I am expelled or not. I'll post the statement I have written after this.

And, to be honest, that's not the thing on my mind that worries me the most. It's an inconceivable notion. I've never been threatened with expulsion before, and the idea of it is akin to my mother dying, in the sense that I simply can't imagine the path life would take if it were to happen. What is more predominant on my mind is the school's musical, "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown". Auditions for that occur Monaday and Tuesday, but I won't be allowed to audition at the school because I'm not allowed on school grounds.

It's possible for Mr. Paulette to work out an audition at a neutral site but here's the problem: Almost all the major members of Drama Club are planning on quitting if I get to audition.

Zach is initially the one who told me about this. And what bothered me the most was the fact that he said he was among those who planned on quitting. This hurt me more than I can express here, and I cried for about a half an hour, being put in this position. Zach is one of my best friends. He, more than anyone else, has known how excited I have been for this musical. We've spent so much time listening to the songs from the show on his Ipod, geeking out over how excited we were. I consider Zach to be one of my best friends, and, at the time he told me this, I felt that the world was crashing down on top of me, and that nobody liked me. I could deal with the fact that some people in Drama club would quit. Most of them already have made it clear to me that they hate me, and, to be honest, most of the people threatening it can't really sing or act anyway. But Zach quitting felt to me like the worst thing that could possibly happen to the show. It's pretty obvious that he's going to get the part of Charlie Brown.

He apologized the day after, and agreed not to quit if I audition. But that still doesn't change the fact that the show is going to suffer no matter what the choice of Mr. Paulette is. The assholes that want to quit are putting him through an extraordinary amount of stress.

On the surface, they claim it's because it's an unfair exception for a suspended student to participate in the audition, but their real motivations are obviously different. People have always complained that I always get the roles I want, or get the biggest roles in plays, and this makes them jealous. Their decision to quit if I am able to audition is simply spawned out of the jealousy and dislike they feel toward me. They just don't want to be around me. And this decision, above all else, is hurting both Mr. Paulette and the eventual outcome of the show, no matter what.

Mr. Paulette and I spoke on Thursday night, and he has expressed to me that, though he wants me to be in the show very strongly, he feels his position is compromised in terms of his relation to Mr. Deboer (who will be conducting the pit orchestra), as well as his relations with the students who don't want me in the show if I get to audition. I hope to meet with him sometime before or after the performance today so we can talk about things. When we spoke on Wednesday, he asked me to the consider the position that he was in, and to tell him what I suggest he does when we meet again.

I still don't exactly know what I'm going to say to him.

I'm going to be leaving to go to Cherl's house soon so she can look over my statement, and make any suggestions. I also will give Mr. Paulette a copy, since he has only heard Mr. Deboer's side of the story. Not that his knowledge of my reasons and intentions will change anything concerning the musical, but it still feels awful to have him only have Mr. Deboer's bias side of the argument, which I feel will not reflect many of the important points that my statement makes.

Life goes on.