Last night, I couldn't fall asleep for a long time because I couldn't stop thinking. About my own validity as an artist, and potential for success.

I know how good I am better than anybody else, so I shouldn't judge myself on how others view me. The thing is, many others view me in high esteem that I know I do not deserve. I am a relatively tiny fish, and I'm about to enter a giant ocean of talented and amazing people, and it's scary as fuck.

My guitar and writing skills are both lacking. I am usually unable to express raw emotion. I don't know why. I've become guarded and scared of myself, I guess. I mean, look at those songs I wrote when I was getting over Mairead. You can hear in the music so much raw emotion and sincerity. Why can't I replicate that today? I want to be able to, but I don't think I feel as much anymore. It worries me.

My guitar skills have surely been helped by my obsession with The Mountain Goats (which I admit is coming to a close), but in a way, they've also been hindered. It's placed me into an unhealthy habit of replicating his singing style and guitar style, even with the songs that I write. This is not sincere. This is not honest. This is not me.

I just don't think I deserve some of the praise I receive, and I worry that those who know that I do not deserve it think that I believe I do deserve it. I don't want people to think that way. I know me more than anyone else, and I am suffering no delusions as to how far my talents stretch.

There's more, but Siri is messaging me. I might keep this up later if it's still bothering me.