Mind Games

There's far too much on my mind this morning. Mornings shouldn't be like this. I should wake up with a clear mind - with a freshly shed skin - without having to think about the things that bothered me yesterday.

But, no. She just won't get out of my head.

My life will be so much simpler when she's gone. I'll be able to concentrate on more important things. While she's off in Italy, breaking the hearts of hot Italian guys, I hope she forgets about me. I hope to never see her again after that. I'm sick of this.

She plays too many mind games. It's not intentional, I don't think, but it fucks with my head too much. She keeps pulling me toward her, then pushing me away. It goes back and forth, and, try as I might, I can't completely ignore it. I can't tune it out, even with the aid of mind-altering substances. She's a persistent one.

She doesn't actually like me. I'm not a real friend to her. I'm just someone who is willing to make her feel good. She wants something that I can't give her. I can't control my emotions completely. I can't force myself to no longer want her or to no longer like her. That's what she wants when we aren't alone.

She will make me feel special, make me feel (dare I say it...) loved, and then she'll ignore me and make me feel extraneous and pointless. She only wants me sometimes, and even hardly that. I want her all of the time. I can't help it.

I need to end this, but I can't. Because just when I feel like it's the right time to do it, just when I feel she couldn't possibly push me further away, she pulls me back again.

I don't know what I should do.

Girls suck.